Guest Blogger – Thelma Dahl Davis
Every other week I will be featuring a guest that I know and respect to help me keep some perspective.
I thought I’d share their perspective with you too…I hope you will enjoy!
Here is what our guest, my dear cousin Thelma has to share:
Having a Girl
When I found out that I was going to have a girl, my first thought was accompanied by a sinking feeling.
“I can’t do hair”.
It took going to the store and eyeing all of the delicious baby girl clothes to realize that hair wasn’t that important anyway.
I was having a girl!
Thelma and Emma as a babe
When Emma was born, she was pretty and dainty in ways her brother had been cherubic and plump. I carefully dressed her in pink. I hung a row of dresses in her closet. I daydreamed about my daughter.
Once in the middle of the night, when Emma and I were the only ones awake, I looked down at her tiny delicate fingers. I nudged my own finger into hers and contemplated our hands.
This girl of mine. What would her hands do? Would Emma’s hands someday hold her own children? I thought of the mothers I was linked to: my mother, my grandmothers, my great-grandmothers.
Emma was one of us. Part of the tribe. Indomitable women. Mothers.
It didn’t take me long to recognize the strong will that resided behind Emma’s brown eyes. She is intrepid and spirited while I was a shy child. She looks like one grandma and has the fortitude of the other. She reminds me of my feisty sister. She is a perfectionist (which she in no way inherited from me).
But this Emma, this tall, muscular long limbed girl…she’s MINE. While I often lament she has no sisters (my own sisters are made of the stuff of soul mates), I am greedily glad that I don’t have to share her. We think the same things are funny. We both have a lot of the same interests. And there’s no one I would rather go shopping with.
Whatever her hands will do someday (her hands that are roughly the same size as mine now), I know I’ll be proud. And amazed. I always am when it comes to Emma.
I am delighted to have a daughter.
(And I still am no good with hair.)
You can read more about Thelma’s life and enjoy her wonderful stories HERE. I promise you will not regret clicking over there. Her blog always brings a smile to my face.
I think one challenge many mothers and daughters face is that mothers just kind of think or hope that their daughter will be just like them. I really like how you pointed out that while she is YOURS, and will always be a part of you, she is also her own, unique, wonderful person and you are helping her to celebrate her individuality and let her spread her wings and fly.
My oldest daughter is going on four, and this past winter I decided to sign her up for swimming lessons. She hated it. I tried sticker charts, pep talks, you name it. But she just did not like it, or at least, wasn’t ready for it yet. After agonizing over it, I finally decided to pull her out of the class. Several months later, I had the bright idea of soccer. I approached her with the idea, and she just stared at me. She tried to like the idea, but she just couldn’t hide it. Strike two.
Finally, in February, I decided to stop thinking about what I think would be neat for her to do, or be, and just let her pick. Why was it so hard? I have no idea. But now she puts on a pink leotard and red tights every Monday morning and dances her heart away. I am so glad I finally learned!
Yeah I liked that point too Thelma. I also loved the point you made about her being “part of the tribe”. There is so much more to being a girl/women then we realize sometimes. So much support and strength in being part of this tribe.
And Kristen thanks so much for commenting about your experience with your daughter. Good work on learning the lesson…I’m sure it’s one I’m going to have to learn over and over again.
Yeah, I’m learning that just because your daughter looks alot like you, she is totally different on the inside. It’s been fun though to get to know her and her sister. It makes for a great adventure in life. I love having girls!
Thanks Thelma for your insight and perspective. Love your Cousin!
Britta